Five Ways to Make Your New Years Resolutions Actually Happen

In the beginning of the New Year, everyone is trying to make new habits and reach new personal goals. Let’s talk about things you can do that will help you to actually reach your new goals this year.

1.Have a realistic understanding of the change process: Most people think that change starts out one step and a time and moves constantly forward until you reach your goal. If it was a graph people would imagine it going up and up and up. Like climbing a mountain.

But change isn’t linear. When we try to learn a new way of relating to people, to create a new health habit, or learn a new skill, it’s completely normal for that process to be up an down. To know if you’re making progress you need to notice the trend over time. It might be slower than you like, you might take two steps forward and one step back, but your overall trend is up. Don’t get discouraged, embrace the process.

2. Set Realistic Goals: You’re going to be discouraged if you set a goal that you can’t reach. It can be hard to tolerate not being in the place we want to be in life, so setting a smaller goal might feel frustrating. But you need to build trust and confidence in your process — so set a small goal that you know that you can accomplish. You’ll learn to believe in yourself. When you do this, then you can set another goal. Before you know it, you’ll have made significant changes in your life.

“Remember, change isn’t linear.”

3. Be kind to yourself: Because change isn’t linear, you will have moments of backsliding, days where you fall off the wagon, moments you’re just not motivated. A lot of people are tempted to beat themselves into shape and criticize themselves into action. But here’s the thing — if you’re already feeling exhausted, ashamed, frustrated, or tired, the last thing you need is someone being mean to you. Even if the person being mean to you is you.

Encourage yourself. Give yourself understanding. Everyone who wants to eat healthier deals with and gives into cravings sometimes as part of their process. Everyone who wants to confront their anxiety and get out there has days where they don’t speak up or hide away to take a break. If you try to write a novel and hit writers block, you’ll be among good company, as there’s no writer that hasn’t had that experience. Validate your needs, connect to your sense of common humanity, and then when you’re ready, try again.

4. Celebrate small wins: Our brains run on rewards. Rewards motivate us. So hack this feature of your brain, and reward yourself often. If your goal is to clean out and reorganize your basement this year, each shelf or bin that you organize, take yourself out for a latte. If your goal is to get another job, every time you submit an application, allow yourself to watch 15 more minutes of your favorite show (or a whole episode, whatever you need to make it feel worth it!). Make a list of rewards that are meaningful and motivating for you, and each time you are struggling to motivate yourself towards your goal, find a reward that would make it worth it to engage.

5. Reject Perfectionism: Who cares if it’s not perfect. Waiting for perfection to feel like you’ve accomplished your goal is soul crushing — no one is perfect. It’s like chasing after the carrot dangling on a stick. You’ll never get it.

If you go after a goal and you decide you need to change it, that’s allowed. If you can only reach 80% of what you initially thought you’d be able to do, you can still label that a win. Perfectionism breeds anxiety and shame. You don’t need that. Enjoy your life. Enjoy your growth! Embrace the mess and imperfection. Strive to be growing, not perfect.

I hope the start to your 2024 has been beautiful. As you work towards your new goals this year, I wish you the best. Remember to be kind and encourage yourself, accept that change isn’t linear, celebrate your process, and have a growth mindset. I know that if you do, you’ll be surprised and amazed at what you can do.