Parenting Strategies for ADHD: Part Two
Let’s continue the conversation about effective parenting strategies for children with ADHD.
In our previous discussion, we delved into the profound challenges faced by both parents and children when navigating the complexities of ADHD. Traditional parenting approaches, rooted in expectations of typical neurodevelopmental patterns, often fall short for children with ADHD. This mismatch can lead to frustration and misunderstanding, as parents wonder why strategies that work for other children seem ineffective.
It's crucial to recognize that ADHD isn't simply about being overly energetic or easily distracted; it fundamentally alters how a child processes information, regulates impulses, and manages their emotions.
For parents, understanding these neurological differences is pivotal. It shifts the focus from viewing behavior as willful disobedience to recognizing it as a manifestation of ADHD's biological underpinnings. Children with ADHD may struggle to sustain attention, follow multi-step instructions, or organize their thoughts and belongings.
These challenges can create barriers in their academic, social, and personal development. By embracing a mindset that acknowledges these differences, parents can cultivate an environment that supports their child's unique needs and strengths.
In the first blog post we discussed parenting strategies for addressing issues with “memory”. Check out that post here:
In this installment, let’s delve into another area where parenting strategies might be helpful: Breaking Down Complex Tasks.
Effective Parenting Strategies for ADHD: Tip #2
The problem: You ask your child to clean their room, and they become overwhelmed and don’t know where to start.
Your teen is sitting down to write a research paper, but they don’t know where to begin. They either become emotionally overwhelmed and cry, or the avoid the research paper until it’s too late, or they start and spend an hour on one research notecard and don’t finish the assignment.
You get a new puppy and charge your kid with the tasks of training the puppy.
Why it’s happening: ADHD impacts executive functioning, which is a set of skill that includes task break down and planning. In order to break down a task, prioritize, and order steps, you have to sustain constant attention for a prolonged time. With ADHD, constant distractions and shifts in attention really defeat this process.
Things you can try:
Every child will have different needs in this area. You can try working backwards and meeting your child where they’re at.
*Direct your child to tools that can help them plan tasks: If your child is older or needs less support, suggest they access tools (like ChatGPT, tutors, and other apps) that will help them break down tasks and plan. For example, you can plug into ChatGPT “Break down the steps of writing an essay.” Or “Help me plan out the process of cleaning my closet.”
*Using the Socratic method (ask questions instead of making statements), guide your child through the planning process. This is more tailored than self help tools — if you notice your child is getting stuck, you can use your judgment to help them through the more difficult parts of the planning process.
For example, you might say, “Let’s work together to figure out how to apply to be in the art high school, what steps do you think we will have to take?”
If your child says, “Fill out the application, write an essay, and do the interview.”
You can then ask your child, “How should we prepare for the interview portion?”
“I don’t know.”
At this point, you can do a couple of things. First, you can say, “I’m going to give you a few more seconds to think about it, you might get an idea.” OR, you can give them multiple choice, “Do you think we should research practice questions, learn more about the school, or ask a current student what their interview was like?”
*Plan out tasks for your child: It might be the case that for now, your child may need you to do the executive functioning for them and break down the task into manageable steps. You can work with them, giving them the next step verbally along the way or give them clear, written step by step instructions. Remember that saying the steps out loud and walking away has a huge possibility for being a memory issue. It’s important that the source of instructions is something they can return to — whether pictures, paper, or you.
Many times if your child needs this for school work, it can be included on an individualized education plan and teachers can help with this process. Notice if you do this at home and if it’s helpful, and then help your child access this service at school.
Remember, these suggestions are just a starting point. Addressing the challenges of parenting a child with ADHD requires a nuanced approach. Every child is unique.
.As you navigate this journey, remember that your lived knowledge of your child surpasses any general advice. Some strategies may yield immediate results, while others may require adaptation or exploration of alternative approaches. Trust your instincts and observations as you experiment with different methods tailored to your child's needs.
When something doesn’t work, we come back the drawing board. The key is understanding what’s happening for your child so the strategies we try match what’s actually going on for them.
This stuff is tricky, so I encourage you to reach out for support from professionals, other parents of children with ADHD, and your support system as you move through this learning curve.
